Melanie Blake promises to share the good the bad and the ugly from her glamorous life
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The recent Matt Hancock cheating scandal was mainly focused on the fact he’d broken the very rules he’d been preaching to us as a nation that we had to follow during the toughest months of lockdown.
Now if you’re a singleton, those were very difficult months indeed!
If anyone had told me years ago that I’d live in an era when having sex with someone you don’t live with was illegal in Britain, I’d have never believed it. But we did as we were told and let me tell you that, as a hot-blooded woman who writes bonkbuster books, it was not easy! So it’s no wonder the whole country now can’t stand him and he’s lost his job.
I wasn’t surprised that yet another well-respected married man was caught with, maybe not his actual trousers down, but certainly his slimy tongue and groping hands all over a woman who was most definitely not his wife.
'I’ve realised if you are looking for a special hotline to the constabulary, try Tinder!'
Being a married sleazebag seems to be a recurring theme these days. If I were to show you screengrabs of all the men who hit on me on social media, you would be horrified. Their messages usually go something like, “You are so hot, I’d love to meet up with you for a drink.” You then follow the link to their profile and, nine times out of 10, you will find a pic of them with their wife who they usually describe as their “rock” in the bios!
A while ago, I was robbed and had to call the police out. This was quite a serious crime and you know what, I’ve never heard from them since. However, I’ve realised if you are looking for a special hotline to the constabulary, try Tinder! There you’ll find an array of horny cops all desperate to give you their attention (which is possibly why they are “too busy” to tackle some basic crimes).
I got chatting to two or three I liked the look of, we swapped numbers, did video calls, as contact was still banned. But call it a hunch, I decided to put my Miss Marple hat on, rather than the French maid’s outfit, and did what’s called a “reverse Google image search”. You take the picture from their profile, stick it into Google and see what comes up. And you know what came up? Wives! All had Instagram accounts or Facebook and all of them were married.
'I will screenshot the messages and send them to your wives. You’ve been warned…'
(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
This week I was walking into town, it was raining but I fancied the air. Now it shouldn’t matter what I was wearing, but I will describe it because of course people love to blame women for “bringing it on themselves” whenever a tale of unwanted attention is shared.
I had a puffer jacket on, no make-up, jeans and old Ugg boots and was carrying an umbrella. I was walking down Camden High Street, which is a very busy place, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a guy who I felt was following me.
As it was daytime and there were plenty of people around, I tried not to let it bother me. He must have followed me for a whole mile. I even tilted the umbrella so I couldn’t see his face any more, but I could hear him. “Let me show you a good time, darling,” he said, among other things.
I was about to walk up to some men I could see ahead and ask them for help when I saw he’d reached his hand out towards mine to grab it. You know what was on that hand? A wedding band.
I was already furious, but seeing that flash of a gold band knowing that poor woman was probably unaware of what she was betrothed to, I span round in rage telling him in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t f**k off right now I’d smash his face in with my umbrella.
I was shaken – not just at his vileness or delusion, but at the fact he was yet another married lech.
So listen up you wedded w*****s who try to slide into my DMs – the next time you do it, I will screenshot the messages and send them to your wives. You’ve been warned…
Has a married man tried to trick you into bed or have you caught your husband on the prowl? Email me and tell me what happened at [email protected]
Follow Melanie online @MelanieBlakeUK on Twitter and @melanieblakeuk on Instagram.