Five burning questions from Casa Amor after night of toe-sucking and snogs

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Hooray! It’s finally Casa Amor week – the challenge which brings out the very worst in the Islanders…. and viewers like me.

Let’s be honest, it’s all about the big build-up for that next recoupling: Which lovelorn Islander, who’s been cuddling up with their partner’s t-shirt each night, will opt to stick with their beloved, only to discover they spent the last few days cuddling up to someone else?

If we’re completely honest, it’s always a little disappointing when the most predictable couples oh-so predictably stay together – despite producers teasing us about a chance of a shock shake up.

It’s not that we’re hoping for heartbreak….we just like a twist.

Fortunately however this year’s Casa Amor promises to bring the draaaaama big time.

The girls’ game of Never Have I Ever was a little “Meh”, but the boys? Well, the boys’ game of Truth or Dare involved more saliva swapping than a pre-pandemic £1-a-pint student night on Freshers’ Week.

Hugo and the boys are currently in Casa Amor with six new bombshells
(Image: ITV)

But as Casa Amor heats up, I have some big questions which need answering:

1. When did Fergie get so cool?

Not the one who sings about her humps and lady lumps but the trendsetter that is the Duchess of York? For this year the boys seem to be toe-tally (sorry) obsessed with a bit of toe-sucking.

First Jake mentioned he was a passionate sucker about 20 times on his intro VT (making me wonder if he was a reject from Channel 4’s recent foot fetish show), then Toby was dared to get stuck in with Kaz’s little piggies, and then last night it was Tyler’s turn.

The poor guy had to suck newcomer Clarisse’s toe for 30 very long seconds.

Lots of questions went through my mind during those torturous moments of such a real TV low. But one which did not, was the one eagerly asked by Jake: “What did it taste like?”

Yuck.

“A little salty,” comes Tyler’s reply.

Mmmm, that’ll be the stale sweat, mate – She’s probably had those trotters squeezed into stilettos all day in the sizzling heat.

It’s safe to say I’ve been put right off those cheesy Cheetos in my snack cupboard.

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2. Is snogging someone else really acceptable, just because it’s in a game?

We’ve all conveniently accepted that a snog in a challenge is completely and utterly fine and absolutely nothing you can be annoyed about.

But can we just take a second to think about that again?

The boys had been in the new villa just a couple of hours before Truth or Dare turned into a massive saliva fest – and I’m pretty sure if just one of them had a cold at the beginning, every single one of them will have one now.

Lucky Liam even enjoyed a Wild Things-style three-way kiss with Salma and Clarisse which will no doubt be laughed off by his partner Millie.

Yet the guys, who just hours earlier were leaving loving souvenirs for their other halves, do actually have the option of refusing a dare – no one’s going to force them to ‘stick it on’ another random girl.

It’s just the same with Jake: he didn’t have to snog the face off Kaz in the Snog, Marry, Avoid Challenge the other day.

Even if they did feel the need to succumb to peer pressure, some of these straying lads also put far more effort into their pecks than needed.

The Love Island boys are away in Casa Amor
(Image: ITV/REX/Shutterstock)

3. Who came up with the cliche about “testing” the relationship?

Because whoever it was, must now be treated like the patron saint of cheaters.

It’s not only an excuse for playing away, but it makes it sound like you were only playing away so you could work on your current relationship.

In other words you were actually doing a good job and putting more effort into the relationship than your partner because you put yourself through a test of kissing and snuggling with someone else, so you could prove your actual relationship was the real deal.

Some might even think you should be thanked for putting your coupledom through its first big test….

Yep, year after year the Casa Amor strayers try the same twisted logic.

But let’s be honest, did they really stray with the hot girl or boy so they could “test” the strength of their love?

To quote the greatest teen film of the 90s: “Urgh, As If!”

So if anyone accepts the same old garbage reasoning this year, they really are Clueless.

Kaila, Lillie, Amy, Salma, Mary and Clarisse arrive at Casa Amor
(Image: ITV)

4. Can we throw in some more original twists?

Okay, okay, we love Casa Amor, but it was so much better the first year when we didn’t know it was coming.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still good, but a lot of the challenges are now de rigeur staples rather than fresh ideas.

We see the girls in initial shock, then comes the annual mission to pack the boys’ suitcases for them (and preferably add a few intimate extras to remind them what they’re missing), then we see the boys’ surprise at unpacking said items, before whoever is in the most stable and steady relationship is shocked to see producers have sought out several girls who are exactly 100% HIS TYPE ON PAPER.

Of course, we know by now that he probably won’t be tempted, because if you’re the first really loved-up couple in the villa and you stick together until the end, you’re pretty much guaranteed the prize money.

So how about producers change it up a little more? How about bringing back girls who have already been dumped from the villa to join Casa Amor, rather than a whole new bunch?

Or better still unleashing the new crop of boys on the villa, but not sending any bombshells into Casa Amor at all.

Or perhaps you could make the boys endure a series of challenges, and introduce one new girl after each completed challenge?

Here’s a real winner – why not bring back past Islanders from the previous series as the new villa and Casa Amor bombshells?….

Forget being on Love Island and becoming a future Dancing On Ice or Strictly contestant, I’d love to be on Love Island behind the scenes – as the puppet (or should that be muppet?) master.

Casa Amor could be a temptation too far for some of the boys

5. Just what are Hugo’s pupils thinking when they see him on screen?

Or more to the point, as Hugo is a PE teacher in a fee-paying private school, just what are the parents of his pupils thinking when they see him on screen?

Is it: ‘I hope he’s more successful at lawn tennis than he is at tonsil tennis?’ ‘He’s a games teacher but he’s got no game?’, ‘He’s less likely to get to fourth base than that kid who’s always picked last for rounders’?

Or, if they’re like me, they’re probably wondering which headteacher would ever agree that this would be a good idea. Just imagine the jokes in the new term: At this rate he’ll be forever known as the PE teacher who couldn’t score.

*Glamour model Shannon Singh shares her no-hold-barred views of her former fellow Islanders, watch now on Jess Saying Live.

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